New language. New customs. New Rules. New Greetings. Que tal? I had learned the phrase from my supportive Spanish speaking friends at Zagat before leaving for Argentina, but I had not realized how frequently…and differently…it would be used here. Everyone says it. I walk into a store, “Hola, que tal? I get into a cab, “Que tal?” I see someone at dance, “Que tal?” And, for me, this is exactly like being in middle school again. What the hell am I supposed to say back?
Middle school changed language. I realized I was supposed to be cool. That I wasn’t a kid anymore. And most importantly, I was no longer supposed to say “play”. I remember working myself up over it. Preparing to call my friend Marie and NOT say to her “Do you want to come over and play.” No. Absolutely not. This was middle school. We had lockers. We had gym with the whole getting naked part. We had a snack machine. There could be no more playing. I wanted to sound casual. I wanted to sound cool. I practiced aloud before calling. In front of the bathroom mirror. Eventually, I picked up the phone. And I did it. Successfully. I don’t think she noticed. I said, “Hey, Marie, do you want to come over to hang out.” To hang out. Everything changed.
Though that was a success, I couldn’t keep up with everyone else. So many words that were suddenly supposed to sound natural. Maybe I didn’t watch enough T.V. I don’t know how everyone else did it. The kids who said, “Oh Snap!” Or, “Sweeeet.” Or, “Rock on”. Rock on? But really, these could be avoided. One was not required to say “Snap!” It was a stylistic choice, but then, there remained the “Que tal?” of high school - “What’s Up?” Everyone said it. Passing in the hallway. Walking up to school in the morning. Hey, what’s up. For a while, my response was, “the sky.” Really. I actually said that. I thought it was cool. God. Eventually, I started studying other people. What was the appropriate response? The most popular kids responded with “’Sup.” Impossible. I tried it. It just didn’t work. Really, I worried over this constantly. More than the SATs. More than my lack of boyfriend. More than zits. “’Sup” Eventually, my response became “nothing much” – right about the time I started skipping lunch to minimize all interaction. I went to the newspaper room instead. So lacking in cool.
Then, cable television reached all the way out to my house in the sticks and I had my first movie crush. Real Genius. Mitch Taylor (the stud pictured here). How could anyone resist? 
The movie was a few years old already, but new to me. Of course, I wanted to be Jordan (wetsuit chick pictured here). I must have watched that movie twenty times and it made me strive for more coolness. Whenever Jordon doesn’t hear something, or understand it, or is surprised by it, she says “Pardon?” and tilts her head to the side. I practiced. And practiced. And practiced. And chided myself when an opportunity arose to use that response but I said something uncool like “What?” instead. And, eventually, the practice worked. To this day, I still say “Pardon?” And now, I can’t get rid of it. Dude, I am so cool. Dude? Please.
Now, what to do about “Que tal?” Well, I’m a confident, 30-something adult, able to travel alone in a foreign country, to legally stumble about drunk, to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I did what any socially self confident adult would do in this situation, I asked my teacher. Every scenario I could come up with for “Que tal”. When I get in a taxi. When I walk into a restaurant. When I meet someone for the first time. When I see someone I know on the street. Do I kiss people when I arrive? What about when I leave? What about on first dancing with them? What’s a word to say that means “cool” in a dance? And on and on and on. So, high school is not that far behind me, I guess. It probably never will be. Yo, ‘sup.
