Kayak a go go

When I was looking to purchase a vehicle, I knew I wanted something to haul my kayak and bike. I did research. Racks across the roof of a car. Racks above the side of a truck. Kayak in the bed of the truck and a rack securing it to the hitch. I did research, really. And in the end, I decided just strapping it into the bed of the truck, securely, with ratcheting straps would be good enough. 

It has gone well enough. No, better than well enough. I have been impressed with myself. My packing and strapping and general tough-macho-throwing-of-the-kayak-into-the-back-of-the-pickupness.  I’ve been right impressed with myself. Of course, you know how this story goes. Pride goeth before the fall.

So there I am, in Florida, having had an excellent morning of kayaking and afternoon of working and I think I’ll just run into town and go through a drive-thru for dinner. Real quick like. I’ve made it to town and I’m on a six lane mc-highway trying to cross three lanes of rush hour traffic to do a u-turn. The air is warm. The windows are down. The traffic is noisy but I have the radio turned up loud. Real loud. Because it’s that country song where the girl done wrong sings about smashing up the cheatin cowboy’s car and I do love that song. I wouldn’t admit to singing along with it, but the radio is turned up loud.  And then I feel like there will never be a break in traffic and so I better just floor it and go. So I do. I floor the gas, spin the wheel to the left, singing “I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights,” and then I hear a thump, several thumps, fairly akin to an overweight child rolling down stairs, and then there is a loud bang and immediately I know what has happened. The kayak. The straps. My master plan. I pull over onto the side of the road, throw open my driver’s side door and leap out into the street where my red kayak is blocking the outermost lane of traffic. My paddle is a few feet further away. The cans of food which had been behind the kayak are still rolling along in various directions on the highway. A white van stops and a guy with a goatee and Bass Fishing hat gets out, picks up the paddle that is stretched in front of his van, and starts walking toward me. Now, let me take a step away here. I have the lifted pickup truck with dark tinted windows. My door is still open and blaring country music and I am half running down the highway, in shorts, a tank top, no bra, and a baseball cap that says “Hey y’all.”  Oh, and I’m barefoot. That’s right. Barefoot. With cans of generic brand spinach and spagettios rolling around me. I pick up the kayak and heave it  back to my truck. The man follows carrying my paddle  which he puts into the truck bed while adding with a thick long drawl, “You might try some bungee cords on that there boat.”  

“Yeah, uh-huh.” I say as I start to re-hook the kayak. I realize what happened. I didn’t hook it back up after my paddle that morning, since I had only planned to drive around the park and not go into town. I had been lazy.  “Nice hat.” He says, clearly smirking looking not at my hat but at my tank top.  “Thanks for stopping,” I say and I rush back toward my driver’s side and away from him, abandoning the cans of food which have finally stopped rolling and are now being driven over by the traffic which has pulled around the white van. I get back to the door of my truck. Another song has started up, I got friends in low places. A can of spinach has come to a rest just a few feet from my door and I pick it up. The spinach can is dented and scratched, like my kayak, like my pride. I climb back into the truck, shove a bare foot onto the clutch, and pull into traffic singing, “where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases…”  

Comments

[Metro Ethernet]

ha ha hilarious story love it.
but maybe for the next time you should try some bungee cords on that there boat like the boy said

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[truck rental]

Very nice post.
I'm happy you took everything in those positive way of view.
And if you want, you can always look back to the start of the blog (also chronology) and look on the bright side - you didn't have to find a kayak to carry your truck :)

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[Wayne A]

I learned a lot from reading this blog post. I love the fact that I am not the only one who dosn'ty secure loads properly. One time I was hauling a shed and it was not tied down properly. You guessed it, it fell out of the back of my truck. Thank god it did not hit anybody and nobody hit it.

[TruckRack]

Thanks for the laugh! I can see you running down the road now. My kayak once did a complete 360 out of the back of my truck, nearly whacking a UHaul as it came down. Thank goodness it was ony a two-lane road, as the kayak slid off the shoulder into grass. No harm, right?

[Pete]

Oh my gosh, Jamie Sue. You know I love you, but you have now entered into a class of people toward whom I harbor a deep resentment: Pick-up truck drivers. When you were just driving it, I could let it slide, but now that you've demonstrated an improperly secured load which clearly all pick-up drivers do 88% of the time they transport a load, I just don't know what to say. Here's some sarcastic ideas that will allow you to ease into the full-fledged pigheaded inconsiderate wreckless asshole persona that is the pick-up truck driver:

* Got a bunch of old newspapers, like a decade's worth? Just toss them in the bed and head out there at 70 mph. Being made of heavyweight newspaper, any type of securing is unnecessary.
* How about some leaves? Did a lot of raking this weekend? If you're lucky, by the time you reach the dump they'll already be gone! Woo hoo!
* Here's a good one! Of course the pick-up is designed for the hard working landscaper, so fill it up with small slate pebbles and send lots of business to your brother's auto body and paint shop!
* If you have mud flaps, remove them. You don't need no stinkin' yankee mud flaps. Dirty trucks look cool, and dirty windshields on all the cars around you is super cool.
* And how about a nice confederate flag across the back window of the cab? That would be kick-ass. The rear view mirror is for geeks!

If you like the sound of this and demonstrate proficiency, in just a year or two you could up your level to the awesome spectacle that is van-with-15-enormous-ladders-on-both-sides-and-the-top. Just be careful not to get demoted to transporting-a-mattress-on-a-sedan-roof!

[Duane]

Hmmm... not sure why that posted 3 times, I only said it aloud once.

[Duane]

I remember when that Carrie Underwood song first came out, and how much you liked it even then. I love the imagery of the barefooted southern girl jumping out of her raised pick-up. Take me home, country roads.

[Duane]

I remember when that Carrie Underwood song first came out, and how much you liked it even then. I love the imagery of the barefooted southern girl jumping out of her raised pick-up. Take me home, country roads.

[Duane]

I remember when that Carrie Underwood song first came out, and how much you liked it even then. I love the imagery of the barefooted southern girl jumping out of her raised pick-up. Take me home, country roads.

[Marie]

That is just awesome. Although, I have to say that I absolutely HATE that "Next Time That He Cheats" song. Hate. it. Maybe you should keep a flannel shirt in the cab for when you have to rescue the kayak.